Mad Mike Reviews T………….Total Divas??

I’m fairly positive TNA has made me into a masochist, because I’ve decided to not only watch this tripe…but review it, for you the Mayhem Audience. Well….here we go.

First Segment

• Holy shit, this show is an hour?
• “We are Broadway bodyslams.” – Nikki…….what the fuck does this even mean?
• Ariane and Trinity?? What the balls is this?
• Okay, this first episode starts 10 days before Mania…you know for reference
• The Bellas train with each other in an empty ring, this explains so much
• Wait…wait…a Funkadactyl is engaged to an Uso? This screams of a prehistoric stable.
• Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart has a name tag of “Nattie’s Dad” wow.
• Nattie is training someone who is flailing around so much, I can’t even see who it is
• Cena teaching Nikki how to fish….I can’t even
• Man, I kinda feel bad for Cena for having to reenact a scene from the Notebook
• Brie and Bryan have an adorable dog
• Cena got Nikki a fucking Range Rover….I am now no longer feeling bad for him
• Sucks that Nattie missed the whole Hall of Fame because she was at Axxess
• Why the hell did Nattie even think she was gonna be at Wrestlemania?

Second Segment

• JoJo looks like a rejected Cosby kid
• Eva Marie is very pretty
• Poor Nattie is training the robots that will replace her
• Hey Nattie…Summer Rae is blonde also, you might not know her because she’s on TV
• HAHAHAHA Brodus told everyone they sucked, that’s hilarious….Tensai must just be shaking his head
• Oh man Cameron’s meathead boyfriend wants to fight Brodus, hilarious

Third Segment

• Ummm Nikki…..you are a FUCKING IDENTICAL TWIN…the reason that someone else looks like you is your whole gimmick
• Also Eva Marie is fucking hotter than you
• I would have liked to see the incident that Brodus yelled at Cameron for
• I have just now decided to refuse to use the Funkadactyl’s real names
• HAHAHAHA Eva Marie does kinda look like Mufasa

Fourth Segment

• That red hair totally works
• Eva Marie needs to stop the D’Lo head waggle though
• I wonder if they just wanted a blonde with Fandango and it was supposed to be Eva Marie so she could be on TV the same time the show is on
• The Bellas as “veterans” hurts my heart, especially watching Nattie
• Hey Boobs Bella….Cena JUST HAD HIS DIVORCE FINALIZED…..slow your fucking roll, bitch

Fifth Segment

• This is probably a reason why significant others aren’t allowed backstage often
• “Up in my Kool-Aid” Is that racist?
• Poor Cena looked so awkward for a guy who has usually kept his personal life so close to the vest
• If Bryan brings up that he is too much of a chickenshit to marry Boobs Bella, that might be the only way I’d want this show implemented
• Proof that the Bellas actually watch tape
• I wonder if the seamstresses were told that the Mixed Tag might be cut

Sixth Segment

• Ah so they were supposed to be the buffer after Taker and Punk….nice to see that
• It’s weird to say this because I basically hate three out of these four women after this first show, but I wanted to see that Mixed Tag match

Seventh Segment

• Wow it would have been these “veterans” first Wrestlemania match? What veterans…
• So Layla is still continuing her comforting others gimmick
• Coming soon on Total Divas: JUSTIN FUCKING GABRIEL!!!
• The only thing that the coming soon told me is this is going to be an interesting show, I hope Tha Trademarc makes an appearance