Mad Mike Reviews TNA: A Storm’s A-Brewin’

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Re-crap, Storm segment

• Wow this Storm speech is really setting up the Roode heel turn way too easily
• Oh look…new music, for Storm…
• Why is Joe so winded just from walking to the ring?
• Joe hasn’t been a “dominant force” since TNA was “entertaining”
• Wow an unadvertised return to the ring for Jeff Hardy, WTG TNA
• Did Daniels just say “Bob Van Dam?”

Segment 2: Match 1: Daniels Vs. Bob Van Dam

• Jeez a match that could have been really good, but Daniels is playing cowardly heel
• So much for being “really dark” eh Sorg?
• I really hate these TNA angles that focus on a foreign object that you know can never really be used in a match, you know why Abdullah’s fork was so scary? HE FUCKING USED IT!

Segment 3: Gail, Maddy, and Karen segment, Match 2: Gail vs. Tara

• I can see why the WWE kept Gail Kim away from a microphone
• Seriously…why is Karen still in charge of the Knockouts? Isn’t Sting watching this?
• Why is Madison so okay with someone else getting a title shot?
• Gail wanted to be showcased as the main eventer….at 9:30….and her match gets a commercial break

Segment 4: Match 2 cont, Flair showing up

• Aaaaaaand Tara just basically got squashed
• Seriously why is Madison ok with not getting a shot?
• Oh yes if I need parenting advice in the wrestling world, I go to Ric Flair…

Segment 5: TV Championship match….yes you heard me right Eric Vs. Fake Ryder

• It’s sad that this start for this “feud” was a month ago…
• The teaming of Robbie and Rob will get confusing I promise you, they should have just made a fake name for Terry, like The Terruation or something
• Wow, I haven’t seen a crucifix win anything in wrestling….ever
• I really wish it was either Vinny or Pauly from Jersey Shore, Ronnie may kill someone is one of his roid rage episodes

Segment 6: Daniels segment,Bully segment, Bischoff segment

• Who the hell was Daniels talking to?
• I didn’t know Sting ate corn flakes
• Everyone in TNA needs to stop talking about history
• “Rehab is for quitters” Wow. Really? Fucking really?
• I hate this fucking angle, do you know there are actual wrestlers who aren’t getting paid because a referee and non-authority figure have to feud?
• If I was Matt Morgan I’d kick Garett’s fucking head off
• Why are the Bischoffs still even there if they have absolutely no power at all? Shouldn’t Sting be firing them?
• Two things: 1) Women conceive Eric, not men 2) Semen doesn’t make babies, sperm does  #biologywithMadMike
• Garett should have said “Don’t call Grandma a bitch”
• Nice to see on a show where you are deciding a new number one contender, this is going to be the main event…DOING IT WRONG!!!!

Segment 7: Aretha Flairklin segment, Hardy segment, Jarrett segment

• Flair wants R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to him
• Flair’s promo got less and less coherent over time
• One of the scariest things about this Impact is remembering that Jeff Hardy is a father
• I like Jeff Hardy way more before Twitter….Matt too
• Seems like maybe someone who has a history of no-showing and being fucked up shouldn’t be rehired should they?
• Considering what they pay in TNA Bully Ray’s wallet may not be the best weapon

Segment 8: Match 4 cont Meth Vs Fatty (no, not that one), Roode segment

• I wanna throat punch everyone chanting for Hardy there
• Taz which one of these guys have changed their styles?
• Jeff’s beard is uneven, must be lack of depth perception….from the drugs
• LOL at the Xplosion logo in the bg

Segment 9: Match 5: Joe Vs. Roode

• God, Joe is fat.
• I’m not saying that to be mean, I just don’t think he’s stayed in the condiitoning he needs to be in because he isn’t getting pushed
• Oh look Roode has new music too…this couldn’t be leading to a breakup of Beer Money? Noooooooooooooo
• This clearly isn’t the main event….stop lying to us
• Man I drifted off during this match, Roode won…as if Joe had a chance

Segment 10: Seriously this is the main event

• I’d say these poor Impact zone fans for this, but let’s be honest Ollivander’s was probably close
• Nice to see TNA fans advocate child abuse
• Guess Bischoff doesn’t want grandkids
• Oh good the DVR shut off, saving me from the rest of the show