Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Barely Impactful

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Storm segment

• Again Tenay and Taz don’t know what a rubber match is, since Storm has won 3 and Angle has only won one match
• The Impact Zone is so fucking eerily quiet….
• It’s really a shame that Roode probably had to spend 8 months salary from TNA on his suit
• Wow….face vs face for the main event, interesting

Segment 2: Love segment, Match 1: Gunner Vs AJ, Magnus segment

• I kinda feel bad that EY is now going to win the Knockouts Championship soon…remember the TV Championship? Me neither
• I really could give negative two shits about this whole AJ/Daniels/Kaz storyline because I guarantee whatever the reason it’s gonna suck
• And this “DDT on the concrete” thing is kinda overplayed too
• God Morgan and Crimson suck the life out of any promo they’re in

Segment 3: Bully/Sting segment, Match 2: Magnus Vs Crimson, EY segment

• I don’t think Bully knows what an appointment means
• Why is Brooklyn the only borough that gets broken down into sections in wrestling?
• Can someone finally fucking beat Crimson already? Undefeated only means something if you say how long or how many matches
• I turned to text a friend and this match was over already…that’s awful
• Poor EY has to shill for Bellator
• What would the boys in the back think if Eric doesn’t want to fight a woman? Well I guess it depends on who you ask *coughAnglecough*

Segment 4: Garret segment, Maddy/Gail segment

• GO THE FUCK AWAY GARRET. NO ONE CARES WHO IS TRAINING YOU.
• I think this is the first time Gail has spoken in two months

Segment 5: Match 3: Madison Vs. Mickie cage match

• Hey look the Knockouts Tag Team Championships….remember those??
• Gail is teasing dissension now…hooray
• So did TNA just have this cage match so they could advertise Caged? Seems that way

Segment 6: Match cont, Aries segment

• This really should be a cage match with Mickie and Gail, since its Gail that’s really been dodging out of a fair title match
• That was really the most non-eventful cage match I’ve ever seen
• And this sweetened crowd noise is awful
• Aries is exactly right, he is more entertaining talking about him going to the ring to talk

Segment 7: Knockouts segment, Hardy segment, Aries segment, ODB segment

• This segment is awful
• Velvet just screamed “Shots!” at the end of it
• Hey Jeff you know how you’re talking about being called the winner and not feeling like one…how the fuck do you think Sting felt? And that wasn’t storyline
• Aries has consistently been one of the best parts of Impact, yet wasted on the opening match of every PPV
• Alex Shelley! Yes. But srsly…why did this take so fucking long to do?
• See Shelley understands that there needs to be logic, thank you Alex
• This is the only storyline in TNA that holds my interest
• So…….ODB wants EY to abuse women? Awesome. Didn’t TNA have a policy against that?

Segment 8: Match 4: EY Vs. Angelina, Storm segment

• Well…..this was a waste of a segment, don’t even know if EY’s comedy can save this
• Nice to see someone watches TNA

Segment 9: Match 5: Storm Vs. Hardy

• The main event intros take up way too much time

Segment 10: Match cont

• I hate when TNA announcers point out people who were in big PPV matches haven’t been on the show in weeks
• Speaking of, and not that I’m complaining, Devon, Pope and the Devettes…where are they?
• Wow, TNA is going to have another number one contender’s match only this time its face vs. face vs. face…..this is awful
• TNA doesn’t have any face champions do they? Roode, Gail, Gail/Maddy, Aries, Robbie…..nope no face champions, that’s a problem
• By the way, if you’ve noticed I haven’t spoken much of this match…it’s because there’s not much to speak of
• I’m excited to see what Impact is like in London….supposedly the English crowds are crazy for Impact…we shall see
• Wow, so the Twist of Fate is a total no sell move now isn’t it?
• Wow….this finish is awful, just fucking putrid
• This ref was in the wrong position for his spot and stared at the pin attempt for like 15 seconds
• This is just kinda awful

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 2 Russos out of 5

Wrestling: 1.5 Russos out of 5

Overall: 3.5 Russos out of 10

Worst Impact I’ve seen since I started these reviews, they need to turn this around