Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Bound For What Exactly?

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Sting talking, intro, Sting in-ring segment, Knockouts segment

• I smell red and yellow, Sting says….certainly not the colors of money
• I love whenever people on Impact say “you saw what happened last week” when at least 75% of the time that isn’t true, because it was recorded the night before
• This whole Sting thing doesn’t make sense, he wants Hogan to be a face, so he is fighting him…
• Dancing in the rain? Is Sting R. Kelly?
• “Being medically cleared” and “Being able to swing a chair” are not the same thing Sting
• Bischoff, Hogan, and Sting’s entrance musics are virtually indistinguishable from each other
• The internet says this is going to be a tag team match now, I’m  hoping its cancelled instead
• Hey Karen, you said “brothel” is too big of a word for Traci, then she suggested “ho house” which is not only two words…but longer

Segment 2: Match 1: Miss Tessmacher Vs. Mickie James, Racist America segment

• If Karen really wanted to clean up the Knockouts division and make them less skanky, tell the cameramen to back up a bit
• The rest of Mickie James’ jean shorts have been used to knit Jesse Neal’s food stamps
• Sunset Flips = Y Angle Lens….think about it
• Why do I want roast beef?
• God that hot shot was rough…
• How is Mickie wearing three tops and still not able to cover her tits?
• God fucking dammit I hate you MeX-Pac

Segment 3: Al Snow talking to Meth,Match 2: Austin Aries Vs. Jesse Sorenson, RVD and Anderson promo

• Start at the top to make amends? Really…don’t you think he should make it up to everyone by, you know, actually earning some respect back, by starting at the bottom?
• Wow such a huge title match, Sorensten doesn’t even get an entrance
• OOH TNA is using Twitter! They want to know who I think should get a shot at the X-Division Championship…..SHIIMA!!!
• Austin Aries is awesome
• You know, seeing all these Direct Auto commercials…I wonder if they really wanna support a company that has drivers like Matt Hardy, Kurt Angle, and Nick Hogan very closely related to the product
• Kid Kash has come out! TNA needs to fill its quota of having a 40 year old in every segment
• Nice to see these two matches at the biggest ppv of the year were announced casually in a backstage segment

Segment 4: Racist America get tattoos, Jeff being lectured by Beast

• Wow a tattoo parlor involving a tag team…this surely can’t end badly can it?
• MeX-Pac wants tequila so they can drink and drive after he gets his tat, this segment sponsored by Direct Auto Insurance
• For a man who has as many tattoos as MeX-Pac does, he doesn’t seem afraid of needles…
• Hey look it’s Ink Inc in an ink shop
• Wow that tattoo girl threw a pretty nice worked elbow, she can’t possibly be a wrestler can she???
• Jesse Neal just threw vasoline on MeX-Pac in a “skeet-like” fashion
• TNA really shouldn’t remind all of us, that they totally screwed over the fans with Jeff
• Nice to see Morgan admit he was on painkillers and that he’s sober, cool moment for this
• BTW if this leads to a storyline where Jeff is “using” I’m flying to Orlando and punting Bischoff and Russo in the taint

Segment 5: RVD backstage, Jeff seeking the drunk driver, Kurt in ring segment

• Kurt is about to win the gold medal in hypocrisy
• People get all bent out of shape about Cena being a 12 time champion, Kurt is a 14 time champion
• Jeff totally could have made this storyline interesting by asking Kurt about his addictions, but alas they talk about the title
• BTW Jeff saying he is Kurt’s biggest threat right before you are trying to push Roode as a serious threat…horrible idea
• Also, these are the most odd paced segments ever

Segment 6: Kurt in-ring continued (hope I didn’t miss anything)

• I miss my red-headed friend Carly from last week in the front row, this reject from a metal band is scaring me
• Absolutely no one is buying that there is dissension in Fortune, which can mean only one thing, TNA is turning someone else from Fortune heel
• I think James Storm just asked Kurt for a handjob

Segment 7: Match 3: Bully Ray and Jerry Lynn Vs. Mr. Anderson and No one….because no one wants to team with an asshole

• 3 Segments without a match so far, for those keeping track
• TNA now wants to know, after Bound for Glory, who should get the next title shot? Umm I don’t know assholes, how bout I see who wins the match first? Seriously, isn’t this your biggest ppv of the year? Why are you already trying to get me to think about anything after that?
• Wait a minute…….Carly is somehow back in the front of hard camera side. I’m going to rewind for a quick second to see if this is indeed a different crowd.
• Wow. Just fucking wow. It is. I just rewound to the segment before this match, and the crowd is completely different! Here is the photographic evidence!
• 
• This is from the EXACT SAME SHOW, its no wonder there’s no continuity in the crowd…they don’t even tape the same shows at the same time
• I’d tell you about the rest of this match, but Bully needed to cheat to win a handicap match…by clotheslining with a chain

Segment 8: James Storm backstage, Match 4: Daniels Vs. Roode (um or not…)

• I hate when anyone on TNA mentions ratings
• This is the lamest heel turn I think I’ve ever seen
• Remember when these two had the best angle ever years ago…yeah that was awesome

Segment 9: Daniels and Styles are still fighting…, Angle/Steiner promo

• Really? we needed a commercial for this?
• Worst product placement ever.
• So does this mean we are back to FOURtune and not FIVEtune?
• Wow Steiner has been training Angle…this is your TNA folks

Segment 10: Kaz/Daniels/AJ promo, Bischoff promo, Match 4 (4 reals): Storm Vs. Angle

• “This isn’t pro wrestling bullshit” this sure isn’t
• Why is AJ fake vomiting?
• Hogan says he’s going to drop a bombshell that will change the industry forever…how many times in the past 3 years have they said they would “change the industry”
• Borash should really only do the in-ring announcements if its a title match
• Did he just say Beer Money Incorporated? When the hell was the last time they were called that? Get your shit together TNA.
• FYI this is now the non-Carly crowd, my interested is immediately lessened
• You know you product is abysmal when it takes a cute redhead for me to notice that you are completely full of shit
• I just realized I have never known what James Storm’s finisher is
• In fact, outside of the ex WWE guys, and a handful of TNA guys…finishers aren’t well established in TNA altogether, I mean Styles Clash, Angel’s Wings (does that even work?), Rear Naked Choke….is that it?
• Apparently Storm’s finisher is a superkick….really?? I don’t take Tenay’s word for this
• Ah ha! Maybe his finisher is “The Eye of the Storm” seriously…finishers in TNA don’t exist
• Ref bump. This is shocking.
• Hey guys, remember those couple of weeks when Gunner was pushed? Remember when he actually attacked Bully Ray? No….me neither……though I totally do
• So this match just has no ending? Terrific…
• Roode kinda looks like a hybrid of Shane Douglas and Rick Rude…
• Well that sure was a show…I’ll give them credit at least they have matches lined up for a ppv a month away