Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Dixie is a Liar

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: FIGHT. Match 1: Aries/Kenny Vs. Shiima/Roode

• Apart from TNA starting with no sound, this is a nice change of pace
• Aries fighting Shiima though is spectacular
• Holy shit, there are ring rats in the front row
• I kinda wish this didn’t lead to the match right away though, considering this was supposed to be the main event
• Nice to see that @SupportingJCena watches TNA….seriously

Segment 2: Match cont., Recrap, Sting segment

• TNA doesn’t know how Twitter works, they just showed two different pictures for Dixie’s account
• Was this crowd chanting “shitpacker”?
• Nice to see Kenny get the win in the match
• Did we really need the awful recrap package
• Oh wow…asking someone in wrestling is always the best way to go
• You know what also works? Ripping the masks off of people

Segment 3: Sting segment, Claire the Rapist

• Another phrase that needs to be eliminated from TNA’s vernacular “we’ve known each other for a long time”
• It’s weird to hear the complete lack of crowd noise during interview segments
• Kurt, no one benefited from you being attacked because you didn’t have the fucking match
• Kurt, Aces and Eights waited until you won the match, before they assaulted you…whereas they didn’t wait until the Storm/AJ match was over
• I don’t want to see an in-ring baby shower

Segment 4: Match 2: Bully Vs. Robbie, Maddy segment

• Well…this should be quick
• Yup…it was
• “Earl would never screw anyone………..in a match” But he will take blow j’s

Segment 5: Match 3: Mickie Vs. Maddy Vs. Tara Vs. Gail

• Hooters needs to learn to not make grunting noises when putting on headphones
• Maddy has the best theme in TNA since Winter seems to be gone
• What the fuck is up with Mickie’s face??
• Wow….really wasting an entire segment on the entrances??? REALLY???

Segment 6: Match cont, Brooke segment

• Heh…Hooters doesn’t want to call anyone easy
• I think Gail was going for a chest bump, but Maddy went for a hug
• They’ve asked Hooters what would happen if Tara wins three times so far
• Hooters really doesn’t have to sell on commentary…
• Though I could imagine someone who is crafty with editing could take all these moans, grunts, and the “keep coming” comments and make a porno out of it
• She also said “so close” so yeah…there’s that
• I’ve determined that 95% of everything Hooters has said so far can be used in porn
• Nice to see that the audio people knew exactly who won right away…also Tara doesn’t know her own music
• Hooters should never be on commentary again
• Jesus…thanks for helping out the Knockouts division Brooke, you idiot
• God she is such an awful actress

Segment 7: ODBEY segment, Match 4: Kash Vs. Chavo, Dixie segment

• Eric Young is phenomenal
• For all the hype they gave Chavo, he’s still in the lower midcard
• Chavo’s TNAtron only says his last name….
• This match screams midcard on Velocity
• Chavo is just being Eddie here with like 80% less charisma
• Eddie’s probably thinking, “What you doin in Florida Holmes??”
• Everyone is selling out AJ now, terrific

Segment 8: Angle segment, Baby Shower bullshit

• Who the fuck is this, Wes Brisco?
• Hey Wes….they have this Gut Check segment…get in line
• Does this count as Devon’s TV Title match?
• Way to help promote TNA by saying that AJ is banging skanks
• Why the fuck does Claire look so surprised? She’s been watching the show
• God this segment is awful

Segment 9: Joseph Park segment, Match 5: Angle Vs Storm

• Kay-FAB might be the best part of this segment
• If Aces & 8’s really have the potential to attack from anywhere…shouldn’t these guys be ringside all show?
• Dixie didn’t announce any stipulations for Hardcore Justice did she?

Segment 10: Match cont

• Roode’s new shirt is fucking awful
• This is such a slowww match
• Ha Bully just looked under the ring for Aces & 8’s
• God if this is really leading to Storm Vs. Roode I’m gonna be very disappointed
• Why would Aces & 8’s come out to the ring where everyone is, when Brooke Hogan is the one they’ve threatened?
• Aces & 8’s doesn’t have music…
• Maybe they’re not here because there’s 8 people out at the ring waiting for them?
• The worst finish to a show is a non-finish

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 2 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 2.5 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 4.5 Laganas out of 10