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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner, Brother?

Apr 5, 2012

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Roode segment, Maddy and Gail segment

I thought Roode said he wasn’t going to show up on Impact until Lockdown?
I really wish I wasn’t getting so tired of Roode
As much as I hate heel vs heel, I’d rather see Roode Vs. Bully
Storm needs to stop wrestling in handicap matches
Madison is still the best thing in the Knockouts division that doesn’t have a penis

Segment 2: Match 1: Madison Vs. Velvet

I love Madison’s fingerhearts
No, that’s not slang
They should have gotten Maddy a tiara that she doesn’t have to hold in place for half her entrance
Labia count: 1
Decent match, even though that was an awful spear by Velvet

Segment 3: Bully/Roode segment, Dixie/Hogan segment

Dixie, if you never trusted Eric, why is he still employed??
Why do we need the hidden camera for this? It’s been advertised and promoted by Dixie, surely they knew this would be filmed
This is the worst conversation I’ve ever heard
How is Hogan responsible for Roode? Roode was fighting against Hogan.
I love that you can clearly hear kids on roller coasters there

Segment 4: Angle segment, Aries segment, Match 2: Red Vs. Blue

Umm Anderson isn’t a heel, why would he fight Jeff?
Aries Vs. Bully feud?? Okay TNA, color me interested
Aries is amazing, he truly is
Tag team match? I like this.
TNA can only screw this up…oh yeah, there’s Morgan

Segment 5: Match cont.

God these two are like watching two different coats of paint dry
Oh wow, what a surprise…a no-finish before Lockdown, I wonder if they’ll meet in a cage?
That reminds me, there’s been no mention of Lethal Lockdown yet, is everyone okay with this?
Tazz word of the day: “bohemonths”

Segment 6: Joe Park segment, Match 3: Hardy vs. Anderson, Music video

Okay, this is getting old now seeing the same thing week in and week out
Is this just going to be Abyss with memory loss?
The amount of fucks I give for this match is currently set at -56
Why is Jeff walking like a zombie?
Oh yeah…drugs
That match was fine, but pointless
Yeah guys…I’m skipping this video; summary :Beer and Rednecks.

Segment 7: Wedding planner segment, Bischoff segment

Ha, Eric wants to wear the dress
This actress is awful for the wedding planner, I’ve counted at least 5 different accents
Wedding in a steel cage…wow
God this is bad, even by Bischoff’s standards
Bischoff had nothing to do with Sting leaving
“One thing left” = “Mentioning three things” TNA logic everyone.
Jesus fuck another match with Garrettt and Gunner?? I’d rather shoot myself
Wow, piped in cheers are piped in

Segment 8: Storm segment, Match 4: Bully/Roode Vs Storm/Aries

Storm build was nice to see, way better than that shitty video
Aries’ TNAtron actually calls him “The greatest man that ever lived” only thing they’ve done right
Oh my God, Taz actually called back to the 6-man tag match…bonus points to him

Segment 9: Match cont.