Mad Mike Reviews TNA: He’s 18…Did You Get That?

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

THIS IS THE ULTIMATUM: IF JEFF HARDY WINS THE TITLE AT BFG, I WILL STOP REVIEWING TNA UNLESS THE PRODUCT IS SUDDENLY AMAZING.

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment

• I could think of a dozen better ways to open the show Mike Tenay
• That is still clearly a wiffle bat
• I thought Shaq was going to watch your back
• Wouldn’t Turning Point be a turning point show….brother?
• “Business of hand” sounds like he’s talking about Brooke
• King Mo will finally make his debut….and no one cares
• King Mabel > King Mo
• I think Hogan has that series of event backwards
• How do they know where Aces and Assholes are? If they know this…why don’t they just tell the cops this?
• Does the Clubhouse have a password?

Segment 2: Match 1: Angle Vs. Chavo Vs. Daniels

• Ok first of all….why is Christy Hemme’s coated in a thin layer of sweat?
• Secondly, MMA show is filmed in Times Square…Kurt is in the Impact zone….how can both shows be live?
• Carly is here! Hooray!

Segment 3: Match cont., Championship segment, Brooke segment

• Wow that certainly had a couple botches in there.
• These seem like such short matches when the entrances take up half a whole segment
• I don’t understand why Hogan asks all these guys why they should be picked, when HE IS THE ONE WHO PICKED THEM
• So you have two guys with animosity, so of course we don’t want them to fight…that would make sense
• Hey Tara….Stacy Kiebler and George Clooney broke up…just FYI
• Brooke shouldn’t be allowed to just steal other’s phones

Segment 4: Match 2: Tara Vs. ODB

• Okay that’s two pans of Christy already…what the fuck is the point of them?
• Why is Christy so excited to introduce the person who almost kicked her ass last week?
• EY, don’t steal Sandow’s cartwheel
• This has basically been a squash match in favor of ODB so of course Tara is probably going to win
• Wow what an awful finish

Segment 5: Gut Check segment, Bully segment, Hogan segment

• So instead of them actually talking about the Gut Check kid, they’re talking about Al and Ryan
• Is this kid 18? I can’t tell
• “Fire breathin Twittah machine”
• Everything Garret has done has been immaculate…..that is exactly what is wrong with TNA right now
• So Garretttt is in Aces and Assbags right?

Segment 6: Aries segment, Match 3: Joe Vs. Anderson, Hogan/Sting segment

• Luck is for losers…..really CM Aries? Austin Punk?
• It’s kinda sad how they are just trying to turn Aries into Punk, when Aries was doing just fine on his own
• Anderson’s shirt looks like a disfigured ribcage
• This is the longest entrance ever…
• Boring ass match, and Joe wins with a choke out…awesome
• Match put me to sleep too there Joe
• And also nice to see that belt isn’t the Television Championship…
• This is the only good segment they’ve done with Aces and Assholes

Segment 7: Gut Check segment, TMNT clip, Abduction segment

• Everyone is so happy in this segment considering the two leader of the locker room got kidnapped
• Again….more introductions, this could have been put to something else
• How old is this kid again?
• Why are the lights going crazy during the Kick Out?
• This guy clearly hasn’t been watching Ladanian Tomlinson recently…
• Evan is the epitome of what Gut Check is about…………so of course he get rejected
• The TMNT clip shouldn’t be the most entertaining part of your product

Segment 8: The Clubhouse segment

• Well at least this explains away how Sting and Hogan were going to find the place
• The back of that head looks like Bully Ray
• Hogan keeps calling Joseph “Parks” and not “Park”
• Has Park been tied up all week? The police probably should have looked into that
• So the stipulations for this match, neither of them involved Aces and Assbags unmasking
• It’s nice of Aces and Assholes to wait for almost the whole main event tier of guys before issuing a challenge

Segment 8: Storm segment,Match 4: Roode/Bully Vs. Hardy/Aries

• Remember when James Storm was good?
• I can almost guarantee the match won’t start before this segment ends
• Remember when Bobby Roode was good too?
• Calves and Abs brother!
• Can Aries please attack Jeff as he walks with his eyes closed, just once?
• Taz made a Pat Patterson joke….he’s single fellas
• Wow the match actually did start

Segment 9: Match cont., Aces and Assbags segment

• I’m pretty sure Jeff took off a sticker off the turnbuckle pad there
• I really hope somehow Bully gets into the title match
• Ah I get it, Aries doesn’t wanna tag…
• Hardy is such an assbag
• They are threatening with the tiniest knife I’ve ever seen

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 1 Lagana out of 5

Wrestling: 2 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 3 Laganas out of 10

We have a go-home show left before Bound For Glory, and it’s really going to depend on whatever Aces and Assholes reveal they do (if any) and if Jeff is the World Champ if I continue reviewing this shit.