Mad Mike Reviews TNA: He’s Back!!

Greetings Mayhemmers, it’s time once again for the Live version of Impact! Will this be the match-centric one or the promo-based one? We shall see.

Segment 1: Recrap, Sting/Angle segment

• I totally forgot Morgan called Sting a jerkoff…nice
• Ugh…not a good way to start
• You can’t “conduct” a plan Stinger
• Look kids, it’s black suit Spidey!
• I think Sting is always ready for war, he has that warpaint on
• At least Sting is calling AJ on his shit by saying he is stealing Sting’s gimmick
• See the thing I don’t get about this…AJ literally almost has no beef with Aces and Eights, it was Hogan that took AJ’s title shot, not Aces and Eights
• I love how Sting started shaking his head because he knows Angle fucked up

Segment 2: Match 1: Tara and Gail Vs. Mickie and Velvet, Clubhouse segment

• I think Gail should have a gimmick change and just be like an Uber-Canadian…I don’t know why
• Oh man, Taz as a heel commentator is the best
• Is Tara just wearing a bra?
• The kid in the front row on the not hard camera side has just been staring at Velvet’s ass the whole match, live the dream little dude, live the dream
• Well that was fast…
• So Gail is continuing the figure four on the post thing, awesome
• Their Clubhouse gets weirder and weirder each week, it’s like Foley’s roving Commissioner’s office

Segment 3: Team Appletini segment, Aces and Eights segment, Match 2: Magnus Vs. DOC

• Hahahahahahahaha Darth Styles lives!!!!
• Threetune!!!! YES!
• James Storm, you really do wear that baseball cap with the bottle opener around don’t you? You have a problem sir
• Garreeecctctctct’s leather jacket just says “BISCH” oh Lord
• “A couple of weeks ago” ummm Bully sweetie…that was last week
• I hope D’Lo takes off the vest and hoodie and he has his chest protector on under there
• Bully’s chain is long enough to hear it as he walks, I’m very okay with this

Segment 4: Match cont

• WTF is Magnus’ music??
• Taz arguing for the extra half inch in DOC’s height is great
• Oh the classic “no look hook” poor D’Lo, wlecome back to being the Nation’s bitch

Segment 5: Clubhouse segment, Hogan segment, Team Super Heel segment

• So D’Lo is basically a slave now…fun
• How the fuck is Magnus “on fire” Hulkster?
• Hahahahaha this is great!
• Roode was like apologizing to a former lover, that was fantastic

Segment 6: Match 3: Team Super Heel Vs. Team Appletini with Fucko as ref, Magnus beatdown

• HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CHRISTY HEMME YOU ARE THE WORST
• How is Austin Aries the best at everything?
• Oh my God, can we have this match every week?
• It’s heel tactics vs. heel tactics, this is great
• This is just gonna end with Storm refusing to count either isn’t it?
• Jesus Aries that dive was sick, those people in the front row clearly have never seen wrestling though
• Wow that double team move was sick
• Because I love you kids, I looked up Kryptonite Krunch, and Kaz’s set up was close to it but not the same thing
• Can these two teams just form up into the best faction in the history of factions?
• Magnus gets destroyed backstage, because of course he does.
• Why the fuck did Sting and Angle tip their hat? What is the point of a mystery opponent if Aces and Eights can attack him?

Segment 7: Kenny King segment, BEST SEGMENT EVER.

• Why was King spelled K.I.N.G. does it stand for something?
• This promo you guys. This promo. So good.
• FRAIL SABIN.
• Did Kenny King just go Full R. Kelly?? You never go Full R. Kelly!
• Team Super Heel and Team Appletini all just beat up James Storm! YAYZ!
• See TNA, guys who can do backstage assaults like that? THAT’S who you need fighting Aces and Eights

Segment 8: Bound For Glory Series promo, Clubhouse segment, Angle segment, Match 4: Angle/Sting/????? Vs. Aces and Eights

• Gut Check and BFG Series slash fic? No thank you.
• Who is going to win, the three Gut Check idiots we’ve never seen or Christian York? I wonder.
• Taz it hasn’t been a great night to be a member if you’re looking for the real deal now
• Knux: I’m a deep thinker.
• Welcome back to being awesome Mike Knox
• Hogan doesn’t know what phone calls look like

Segment 9: Match cont

• I don’t mind Bully yelling at So Cal Val because it means we actually get to see her
• I just realized why Angle’s singlet looks familiar…it’s the logo from American Gladiators
• 

  See?

   

• Oh someone took out all the jobbers in Aces and Eights? If this is D’Lo in a chest protector, I’d die

Segment 10: Match cont.

• Crowd…dear sweet, mostly silent crowd, everyone in the ring is from the U.S.A., Anderson was even a Marine
• HOLY FUCK. DID YOU SEE THE HAND PRINT ON KURT???
• That was the laziest Death drop ever!!
• Whoever took out Aces and Eights is sure taking his sweet time getting to the ring
• I kinda missed Abyss, not gonna lie

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 4 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 5 Laganas out of 5

Honestly this was a damn fun show, not a bad match in the bunch, good promos, a nice meaningful return, now if TNA was smart, they’d have Abyss go after Bully, since Bully was the one who took him out but odds are he’ll just take the TV title back from Devon, if they remember it.