Mad Mike Reviews TNA: It’s the Final Countdown…

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

THIS IS THE ULTIMATUM: IF JEFF HARDY WINS THE TITLE AT BFG, I WILL STOP REVIEWING TNA UNLESS THE PRODUCT IS SUDDENLY AMAZING.

Segment 1: Recrap, Match 1: Storm Vs. Aries, Kurt segment

• Carly is here, that already bodes well
• They seem to have tightened up the intros at least for this match
• This crowd is desperate to count to 10 once
• That was actually a really good match, so of course there had to be interference
• Wow Kurt, way to invite one of the Aces and Assholes to Bound For Glory
• After all that AJ has been through with Team Appletini…why does he listen to anything they have to say?

Segment 2: Sting/Hogan segment

• Why has Hogan turned “man” into “mon”?
• Team Appletini is out here to save this segment
• “Heath, Thunderlips…” God damn, stop making me like you Kaz
• Nice to finally see a reason Sting is always dressed in his gear
• Hogan can’t even get the botched gimmick name right

Segment 3: Match 2: Hernandez Vs. AJ Styles, Aces and Assholes segment

• Christy Hemme pan shot: 1
• What the fuck was the finish? Was that a pounce?
• Why are you playing chess if you guys represent playing cards?

Segment 4: Shiima segment, Hogan/Sting segment

• Shiima getting mic time? This I approve of
• “There’s no X Division!” truer words were never said
• Shiima vs RVD for the X Division strap at BFG? Well played….wasn’t expecting that
• God I hate Hogan

Segment 5: Brooke segment, Match 3: Team Appletini Vs. Sting/Bully

• “I am Tara-ing my hair out” god shut the fuck up Brooke
• Brooke is Hollywood elite? Jesus.
• So is Tara’s Hollywood boyfriend anyone besides Eric Young at this point?
• God I hate these shortnened segments

Segment 6: Match cont.,BFG package

• I think its funny that Hogan doesn’t trust Bully, but Bully was in Immortal
• So is TNA’s Hall of Fame really only going to consist of one member?
• There really are only 5 Knockouts left aren’t there?
• “Bully get the tables!”? Doesn’t he know D-Von was the slave in that outfit?
• What fans are calling Aries Vs. Hardy a dream match?
• Aries….if you want those things, you should probably go to the WWE

Segment 7: Joey Ryan segment, Joe segment, Match 4: Gail Vs. Hooters, Roode segment

• He’s going to be fun when he gets a contract
• Hey look! Someone called Devon to get the real TV Title back
• Magnus is so much a better character than Joe
• Magnus should win the belt and somehow turn into a BBC gimmick
• Christy Hemme pan shot: 2
• Welcome back Y angle lens…jeez
• Did Mike Tenay just say “asstastic”? Sounds like he was getting reemed afterwards, because there was a long silence
• Gail needs tighter shorts…
• Nice spiking powerbomb by Gail
• King Mo is entirely worthless

Segment 8: Match 5: Roode Vs. Hardy

• This entire segment was just a breakdown of the PPV card and Roode’s intro….yup

Segment 9: Match cont.

• Hardy has way too long of an intro
• King Mo is an enforcer not a ref right? So when Hogan said the real refs gave up, he was just being stupid right?

Segment 10: Match cont., Aries segment

• I see nowhere on the TNA website to vote for which will be on the Bound for Glory preshow
• Good main event that ends in a DQ as per usual… but at least for Roode it kinda made sense
• Wow…is it a pipe bomb if no one is around to hear it?
• They really blasted Aries through the CM Punk timeline didn’t they?

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 out of 5 Laganas

Wrestling: 4.5 out of 5 Laganas

Overall: 7.5 out of 10 Laganas

What happens on Bound for Glory this week will determine what kind of column is here next week. Either I will review TNA as normal, or there will be a Top Ten list of things that TNA desperately needs to fix. Enjoy the PPV for those of you that will illegally stream it.