Mad Mike Reviews TNA: More Like Closed Fight Night

Greetings Mayhemmers,
As promised, if TNA turned themselves back around, I’d be back doing this column. And holy crap have they turned it around…granted it took a lot of set up, and a month in England without Jeff Hardy, but this ship seems to have been righted. Not to say there still aren’t some incredibly stupid things, but what show doesn’t have that. So here we go!

Segment 1: Recap, Hardy segment, Texicans segment

• Okay, so apparently my recap of last week’s show was lost in the ether somewhere….go figure, it was a retcon show…Hardy won the number one contendership, boom that’s it
• Thank God Hardy was interrupted by the MVP
• Taz said the catch phrase right this week!!
• Hardy totally deserves this, he did sucker punch Anderson
• EY!!!!!!!
• Ugh Anderson vs. Hardy a million….why not call out Doc or Knux or something
• God Chavo, can you somehow channel Eddie’s personality please?

Segment 2: Texicans again…, Match 1: Texicans Vs. Team Appletini

• GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP CHAVO
• Why did Chavo have to channel Konann and not Eddie?
• If Team Appletini doesn’t win this, then I don’t even know
• The heel on commentary shouldn’t be nearly as right as Taz is all the time
• Okay Texicans, the dual leaping shoulders was pretty nice

Segment 3: Match cont, Taryn segment

• Taz said the Bad Influence movie would be up for an ESPY….I buy it
• Holy crap Hernandez…THAT was awesome
• This is the smartest ref in pro wrestling
• UGH…fuck this tag division
• Yeah if there’s anyone who wouldn’t be a fan of cheating…..it’s a GUERRERO
• Why did she have to answer the door like she was still almost topless?

Segment 4: Taryn segment

• Jeeeeeezus, skimpy outfit much? I’m prepping the labia count meter
• Well…I guess that sets up a tag match for next week (read as later tonight)
• Seemed like a short segment

Segment 5: Knockout segment, Gut Check video

• I think the TNA craft services is just Dixie ordering a bunch of Papa John’s pizzas…
• Seriously, why would they highlight this, when most of these people haven’t had more than 2 appearances?
• FRIEND OF THE SHOW ADAM PIERCE!!!! I CALLED IT!!!!!!

Segment 6: Hogan/Hardy segment, Sting segment

• Can’t Hogan just like…..strip Bully of the championship?
• Smart money says Hardy picks a ladder match
• God this is just two old men arguing about nothing isn’t it?
• Didn’t Sting want to fight Bully for the past couple weeks? Why not just call him out?

Segment 7: Storm segment, Match 2: Storm, EY, Angle Vs. Doc, Garrettttt, Brisco

• James Storm, you are the biggest idiot ever
• Storm left of his own accord, but AJ can’t have a world title match for a year because of you
• There have been a lot of call outs and very little matches tonight…not a fan
• God this whole show just feels like it’s setting up for next week
• It’s about time we have the second match of the night
• EY isn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore, that makes me sad
• Taz….don’t point out you were a Gut Check judge for Wes, when you were the one who said no

Segment 8: Match cont, Clubhouse segment

• God dammit Wes Brisco is awful
• When you ride with Aces and Eights, you shouldn’t be walking at all
• More like Yawnderson

Segment 9: X-Division segment, Bully package, Match 3: Hardy Vs. Anderson

• Petey Williams!!
• It’s cute how they are going to try and interweave this already recorded PPV into the current story
• Todd…there is nothing on the line in this match

Segment 10: Match cont

• Tenay, just because this match has happened on ppv, doesn’t mean it’s ppv quality
• Wow…so a decent main event with lots of action, and it ends on a bullshit finish? This smells familiar
• Wonder if Hardy brings back Full Metal Mayhem for TNA
• Welp, there’s the call….Waffleboy should go, that’s gonna be a fun match

TNH8 Scale

Wrestling: 2.5 Laganas out of 5, hardly any matches this week…and none particularly meant anything

Logic: 4 Laganas out of 5, can’t fault the storyline directions though

Overall: 6.5 Laganas out of 10