Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Pondering What To Do…Brother

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment

• The group of TNA faces looks like the fucking WCW/ECW Alliance
• TNA has way too many wrestlers to have them all around the ring
• Don’t you think there’d be some sort of contingency in case Hogan turns again, Dixie can just fire him?
• “I met with Creative” wow.
• “Lots of new segments” wow.
• Hogan can’t figure out his own product….that’s tremendous, maybe he should listen to the crowd to see who should face Gail
• Also I don’t think Hogan remembered Gail’s last name
• The silence in that arena is deafening at times
• Did anyone really want Anderson back?
• So is Anderson a face or a heel? Last week he wrestled Jeff, this week its Roode…
• Jeff is asleep during the meeting

Segment 2: Hardy Vs. Angle

• The Olympic tights Angle has are pretty cool
• You guys, I’m pretty sure Carly has given up on Impact Wrestling…I see her mediocre looking friend, but not her…such a shame
• Oh man bachelor party tonight…

Segment 3: Match cont., Flair segment, Calfzilla segment

• Kurt sold the Twist of Fate like a Stunner…weird
• Wow, Jeff is no-selling the fuck out of that ankle lock
• Ah….so countout leads to a cage
• Yes, Calfzilla Vs. Aries is going to be a thing! I love it!
• I think this is unofficailly the death of Lethal Lockdown, unless the AJ/Daniels/Kaz bullshit gets turned into that

Segment 4: Calfzilla segment, Joseph Park segment

• I really hope TNA World Champion Calfzilla is a thing this year, please let it be a thing, I’ve watched way too much of this shit to not get that payoff
• “I have eaten chicken wings bigger than you.” – Calfzilla
• I love how the one and only time TNA listened to their audience it was to, at least for now, turn Aries face
• Okay, I’m officially tired of this until it moves forward, this Joe Park better not be Abyss with memory loss

Segment 5: AJ/Storm segment, Match 2: Knockouts 6-Way

• AJ Vs. Storm, sounds boring to me
• Winter’s theme song is still awesome
• Can’t they change Angelina’s TNAtron??
• Maddy’s song is great too
• Wow…a whole segment giving everyone their entrances? Really?

Segment 6: Match cont.,  Anderson segment

• Thank God it looks like at least Winter wants to stick to her gimmick
• Taz made the exact same “Mom, I made the big screen” joke last week…odds he does it next week? 1000:1
• Never understood why you would want to take yourself out of a match like this, it means you can’t win
• Madison and Aries as an on-air couple would be the greatest thing ever in TNA
• Velvet almost just did the “I’m sorry, I love you”
• Anderson needs a new gimmick, seriously

Segment 7: EY’s Bachelor Party, Match 3: Storm Vs. AJ; Sting/Hogan segment

• Manny Fernandez reference, amazing
• That was an extremely disappointing segment
• Speaking of disappointing, here’s James Storm
• It’s not that this match is bad, it’s not…AJ rarely has a bad match, it just doesn’t mean anything
• AJ just being used as fodder is really unfortunate
• I’d feel really bad if I got showered with beer at Impact and then tried to go on some rides
• “Sorry about your damn luck” isn’t really the end of a promo, at least not in the way he uses it a lot of the time
• Hogan sending Sting home, oh Jesus
• This is the second time old men have used “911” when not talking about an actual emergency, shouldn’t they just have MedicAlert bracelets?

Segment 8: Storm partying with rednecks, Match 4: MCMG vs. Mexijobbers, Flair/Bischoff segment

• Well that was pointless
• So…countdown until the Guns get a tag title shot? I say it’ll happen by the end of this show
• Countdown until TNA breaks up the Guns…I’ll say 3 months
• Maybe less than that, they already have different tights
• Remember when Hernandez was good?
• Sabin still looks like he has a bit of ring rust on him, but nice to see them back
• Wow, they actually said he’s a two time Hall of Famer

Segment 9: Hogan/Bischoff bullshit

• Eric forgot what year it was, I thought it was just me that thought this was 1998
• Let’s be honest, the Impact Zone isn’t that big of a room
• Oh fuck…this is the Lethal Lockdown match, oh fuck no
• Okay so Eric, Gunner, Flair, Daniels, and Kaz Vs. Garretttt, AJ, Anderson, Devon, and RVD??
• So wait, Hogan has the power to change people’s last names?

Segment 10: Roode/Storm segment,  Match 5: Anderson Vs. Roode

• Storm’s cousin Devon just made the Taz word of the week: pintacle
• He meant pinnacle…he’s a dumb redneck
• TNA is also dumb for not editing that
• Just looked at the Lockdown website, apparently MCMG Vs. Joe/Magnus and Devon Vs. Robbie E are both matches…
• Who the hell does that leave for either person on team Bischoff?
• Eric, Flair, Daniels, and Kaz Vs. Garrett, Hogan, AJ, and Anderson??
• Wow, TNA only has house shows booked until the start of May…no wonder they don’t sell out
• Hey Taz, didn’t ODB and EY say last week they were going to have their wedding at Lockdown, not next week?
• Wow a Best-of-Three series with team that we don’t even know yet…what a build
• WHY WAS A CHILD HOLDING A BEER??
• Why does this feel like a go-home show, when next week’s won’t?

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 4.5 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 4.5 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 9 Laganas out of 10

This was actually a pretty decent show, I appreciate a logical GM on this show finally, and face Hogan provides that…hopefully for a while.