Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Roode Awakening

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Sting segment, Karen bit

• Jesus, they are really making Roode out to be a bad father and bad person now with these family interviews, that’s awful
• If Sting always says he’s crazy, yet says he is the warden of this asylum (wasn’t that in Nashville btw?) then aren’t the inmates really running the asylum even though he said he was gonna stop that
• Roode avoided the huge trap all of TNA does, he said last week was a great way to go off the air and didn’t mention ratings, so that’s good
• And so it begins, the Jeff Hardy champion push…ugh
• So Karen calls them all whores, tells Traci to cover up every week, yet makes the rest of the Knockouts dress sluttily, and gets mad when they dress conservatively…this makes no sense
• Holy fuck Madison looks hot
• That TNA Video Game Awards commercial is the worst thing I’ve ever seen

Segment 2: Hardy segment, Bischoff segment

• One last shot? Wow…this is awful
• Haha Bischoff doesn’t have an office!!!
• Eric, don’t worry no one becomes a star in TNA
• Eric also needs to stop saying “brother”
• Nice to see that Hogan just wanted to turn face so his merch sells and then never appear on the show again

Segment 3: Girls washing cars, Match 1: Ink Inc Vs. Mexican America Vs. Devon and Pope

• For just one dollar a day, you can feed TNA Knockout Angelina Love, she desperately needs a sammich “In the aaaaaarms of a Knockooooout”
• This is the worst car wash ever, they’re only washing one side of the car
• Seriously wasn’t Jesse Neal fired?
• I also think this is the first time Toxxine has actually been on Impact
• Devon’s kids better not be sitting ringside
• Carly is back in the Impact Zone!!!! Yay!!
• For those following at home Carly is this cute red head that happens to always be front row hard camera side, God I hope she isn’t a Hardy fan
• See Devon, when your kids aren’t at ringside you can win matches

Segment 4: Knockouts Holiday commercial, A Double segment

• So first off, TNA clearly lies when they said on their site that they’d only play the commercial that won the vote
• Secondly, they really decided to play the one that calls all the Knockouts “Hos”
• Aries is clearly the best mike man in TNA, this promo is fantastic
• Oh no, here comes an old man to fuck it up
• Kid Kash wore the X-Division Title longer than anyone, I don’t think that’s true at all
• After a quick Google search, Kid Kash isn’t even close to being right: Petey Williams, Michael Shane, Daniels, Sabin, Bashir, and Kaz have all held it longer at one time, and Kaz’s time was even earlier this year

Segment 5: AJ Segment, Gunner segment, Sting bit

• Wow, this is an awful segment…Gunner should legally be arrested for assault here
• Remember when Gunner was just a security guard? Me neither.
• Jeff Jarrett is right at every step of this feud, Sting should be the most upset at Jeff wanting another shot, he was in the arena saying “I agree” when the fans were chanting bullshit

Segment 6: Cars washing girls, Steiner awesomeness, Match 2: ODB Vs.Mickie

• I guarantee the dressing room doesn’t say”Private”
• I want Scott Steiner and Austin Aries to feud just to hear the promos
• I love that one of Steiner’s freaks is retired
• Seeing that this is an ODB match in addition to the labia count, there will also be an aureola count
• Street Fights are no DQ but pins have to be in the ring…just not tonight apparently
• Holy shit look at how empty the rest of the Impact Zone is
• Labia count: 1
• Aureola count: 0.5
• ODB pulled something out of her bra when she thought she was off camera lol
• Labia count: 2

Segment 7: Storm/Angle segment

• Nice to see TNA doesn’t care about people being concussed anymore
• They have actually ordered hookers for Abyss…ACTUALLY ORDERED HOOKERS
• I’m already tired of Roode’s family, except for Roode’s sister, who is kinda hot
• Great Robbie E and RVD….I hate rhyming opponents

Segment 8: Roode’s family, Match 3: TV Title RVD Vs Robbie E

• I’d like to remind everyone that using the beer bottle is something Storm has done for years as a face and a heel
• Nice to see Roode’s entire family turn on him for smashing a beer bottle against someone’s head