Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Shhh No One Mention Slammiversary

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Hogan Segment, Gail Kim segment, Match 1: Maddy and Gail Vs ODBEY

• Jesus Christ….he’s actually showing the runsheet, make it stop
• Way to promote that, right before your live show, the entire show is scripted
• Hardy is sleeping during the meeting
• Hogan is right about one thing, Impact doesn’t work in its current format
• The music over this segment is fucking annoying
• If Hogan thinks Roode is so bad, why doesn’t he just strip Roode of the belt?
• The most over character in the room is eliminated first…well played
• I don’t understand why Open Fight Night is such a big deal when we have championship matches on Impact all the time? Shouldn’t they be special?
• OHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU GUYS….CARLY’S IN THE IMPACT ZONE!
• Carly is the most important woman in that company Gail….not you
• Gail is seriously the worst woman on the microphone in TNA
• “Mr. and Mrs. ODB” is pretty great though
• How are they just mentioning now that they’re going live? I mean that should be a huge announcement.
• Labia count: 1
• Oh God that Brooke Hogan quick promo makes me want to vomit

Segment 2: Match cont

• Labia count: 2
• I’d actually really laugh if somehow Maddy’s crush was Eric Young
• And such a throwaway announcement of Brooke Hogan being in charge of the Knockouts
• Wow, what a controversial finish…I wonder if next week there will be someone in charge who can fix that??

Segment 3: Hogan segment, Match 2: RVD vs. Gunner

• Oh gee…I bet it’s Sting, who the shizz cares?
• Wow, actually recalling a history with someone? +1 Logic points TNA!
• This sucks though because now it means we have to watch Gunner
• That was some amazing distance for Van Dam on that 5 Star

Segment 4: Match 3: Devon Vs. Gareeettt

• Jesus, first a Gunner match and now a Gaaaaaret match? TNA is trying to kill me
• Oh thank God for the Robbies
• Did I just say that?

Segment 5: Hogan segment, Abyss package, Bully Ray segment, Gut Check segment

• To be fair, Angle is the logical choice as he is the guy who….you know…..BEAT BOBBY ROODE
• I don’t like these “work shoot” segments with Hogan, especially when there is no reason he can’t put everyone in there with Roode, if it’s that important to stop Bobby
• This Abyss thing really needs to go somewhere soon
• Nice to see who Bully’s ring rat is….good closeup on her
• At least Tenay pointed out that Open Fight Night doesn’t apply to audience members…otherwise I’d go there and challenge Carly to a little one-on-one
• Hey Impact Zone, STOP WITH THE FUCKING YES CHANTS
• Um…..Abyss was on the show two weeks ago, why didn’t you call off the case then?
• I do have to give credit to Abyss/Park as he is doing a hell of a job with this angle, even if it running a bit too long
• Joey Ryan eh? I’ve heard of him before…I bet he gets a contract too. BTW when have we seen the last dude who won a contract?
• THAT’S RIGHT….WE HAVEN’T! What is the point of winning a contract if you aren’t going to be on TV?

Segment 6: Gut Check match: Joey Ryan vs A Double

• Joey Ryan looks like Rick Martel fucked Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball
• Alex Silva has not been on TV since he won a contract…just sayin
• Tenay, clearly the judges don’t care if the guy wins or loses, Silva lost to Robbie fucking E
• Ryan looked better than Silva did in his match, so I’d almost guarantee he won’t get the contract

Segment 7: Hogan’s decision, World Title match

• KURT. ANGLE. BEAT. ROBERT. ROODE.
• Hogan is a fucking idiot

Segment 8: Match cont.

• It seems odd that this main event match started in the 7th segment, especially with all the hype given
• Then again these segments have been short as hell
• You know, something I didn’t even think about…if AJ is being accused of banging the owner, what does it say for the guy in charge to give him a title shot?
• Wow…a cutaway from this perhaps record setting title match?

Segment 9: Match cont

• This is a really good match, can’t fault the in-ring stuff tonight, that coupled with the crispness of the segments makes me feel they could do live TV right this time
• If live Impact means more nice, long matches like this I’m all for it
• Wow…..shockingly a clean finish, well played Impact, well played
• Worst tease ever, come back and see if Hogan drinks

Segment 10: Final segment

• I think Roode poured a little bit too much of that champagne over his face
• You didn’t stack the deck at all, you gave him a normal one on one match against a guy he’s beaten
• Good thing that young kid Sting needed a push
• The people in the Impact Zone must be confused since this was filmed a week or so ago
• A lumberjack match to open live TV….but they didn’t say if it was for the championship or not, interesting

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 5 Laganas out of 5

Carlys: 15 Carlys out of 10

Overall: 8 Laganas out of 10