Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Team ATF?

Greetings Mayhemmers, sorry this review is coming so late…almost wasn’t going to do this week, but I heard this episode was so bad it needs to be scorned. We shall see.

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment, Suicide promo

• What I would kill for a month without Hogan/Sting opening the show
• Did Hogan just spoil that Shark Boy is here???
• Thank God they aren’t ducking out of the only thing that makes this belt interesting
• Wow, Sting totally can’t speak…this is bad
• Oh Lord Brooke….just leave, please just leave
• Brooke you are half right, but there is a Hogan responsible for the whole company going up in smoke
• Brooke, you haven’t done shit for the Knockouts
• That isn’t the first time someone has told Hogan to get his hands off his daughter
• WHO THE FUCK WANTED TO IDIOT SUICIDE BACK?

Segment 2: Match 1: Ryan Vs. Petey Vs. Suicide, Sabin segment

• Poor Shiima…and fuck TNA for not paying for his surgery
• Also….they are selling an Aces and Eights vest, I guess anyone can get patched in now
• Didn’t they already announce weeks ago that Suicide was in the X-Division match?
• I think I’d rather just hear Kenny King and Taz on commentary all night
• James Storm is fucking drunk….there is no “trading in the X-Division title” thing anymore

Segment 3: Bully segment, Velvet segment, Aces and Eights segment, Match 2: Magnus Vs. Wes

• Brooke is the worst actress ever
• Oh wait, there’s Velvet…
• Mickie is basically saying “I’m going to destroy your knee…just saying”
• Sam Shaw? You mean the guy who was a natural heel now coming out in board shorts and smiling? Ugh.
• No one knows what this tournament is about…
• Wow….Jobbers and Eights running scared of Magnus, that’s awful

Segment 4: Match cont,

• Wait….a TNA exercise app? What the fresh hell is this??
• What the fuck kind of tattoo does Wes have on his lower back?
• Samoa Joe comes back in a god awful shirt and the crowd goes mild

Segment 5: Slammiversary promo, Clubhouse segment, Kurt Takes Manhattan, Match 3: Kurt vs. Anderson

• Wow, they must really be having troubles selling out Boston
• I swear to fuck, if Hogan is the second Hall of Fame inductee, I’m gonna stab everyone
• Bully doesn’t want to talk about his personal life….uh oh
• I should have gone to Grand Central and begged Kurt to go back up north and feud with Punk
• GOD DAMMIT IT CHRISTY YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING JOB

Segment 6: AJ Segment, Match cont.

• AJ just showed up on his Batpod
• This “rivalry” is the worst fucking thing ever
• When did we see Kurt actually mentor or train Wes and Garrrrrectk
• “Girl pants” is a thing that was used as an insult…so that happened
• Angle only has himself to blame for this loss, AJ was just watching the match

Segment 7: Gail segment, Tag Title package, Storm segment

• Taryn and Gail should be some sort of stipulation match, like a cage or something
• Hogan rewarded Storm for fucking up a number one contender’s match…this is everything wrong with TNA
• Oh God, why is Churro on commentary?
• Actually Jim Bob, most women hate a good tag team…
• Churro’s commentary consists of “Cliche, cliche, cliche, bring it.”
• Hmmm, the Dumps, the Lumps, and the Humps….trying to figure out which one is which
• Oh Kaz with the “offended” remark
• Triple H should take notes, business should always be three separate words
• Shark Boy is all the fucking wins.
• COW AND SHARK FOREVER.
• Churro, you do realize you lost the tag team titles once to each of Team Mega Heel and Team Appletini, that’s not exactly easy
• Gunner? Oh fuck no. Fuck, fuck no.
• They should at least be called Team ATF

Segment 8: Joseph segment, Slammiversary rundown, Match 4: Mickie Vs Velvet

• Sting….you can’t start doing the Cactus/Mankind thing until it’s actually revealed on TV you fucking idiot
• Gail Vs. Taryn is a Last Knockout Standing match? That’s fucking awesome
• That being said, they only have five matches booked so far…
• Yeah Mickie definitely has the “aggressive heel” look so far

Segment 9: Match cont, AJ segment, Clubhouse segment

• Jesus Velvet, that’s the worst selling ever
• So Cal Val looks so upset
• Nice to see Mickie get the reigns again, hope she can help bring the KO division back a bit
• Looks like someone’s Quicktime player froze a bit on that AJ promo
• Poor D’Lo

Segment 10: AJ segment

• Wow, peer pressure to drink…that’s kinda awful
• You know, for AJ being such an important member, his vest doesn’t have a nametag on it
• Okay, so if AJ really isn’t joining Aces and Eights….then he and Kurt have basically no reason to fight now right?

TNH8 Scale

Wrestling: 3 Laganas out of 5, nothing memorable despite some decently long matches

Logic: 3.5 Laganas out of 5, Mickie winning makes sense, but they still have np direction with Abyss or AJ, and Gunner is the worst choice ever

Overall: 7.5 Laganas out of 10