Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Technical Difficulties

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Roode segment

• Robert Roode has evolved into Early-Orton Clone and has learned “Mediocrity”
• Roode is so fucking stagnant its disappointing
• Speaking of stagnant here comes Mr. Anderson
• Ew. It says Jeffrey Nero Hardy…and what the fuck does “Abstraction” mean? New drug he’s selling from his burned up trailer?

Segment 2: Match 1: Red and Calfzilla Vs. Blue and A Double

• Poor Aries and Bully caught in this awful feud now
• This match has way too much Morgan
• Wow, that was the worst finish ever

Segment 3: Garrrretttt segment, Daniels/Kaz segment

• Why is AJ wearing gloves?
• At least they acknowledged that Aries was on the team too
• So they’re not allowed to say Bischoff when it comes to Eric, but they can when it comes to Garettttt? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
• Wow, Flair is actually wearing both Hall of Fame rings on his wedding ring fingers
• Flair pointed out Garrrrrret can’t speak, that’s great
• Hahahaha they bleeped Bischoff
• In HD you can see the WWE logo, well done TNA
• Oh Christ, revealing pictures of AJ, this is going to suck

Segment 4: Match 2: Angle Vs Styles

• Holy tits Christy.
• The P1 on Aj’s jacket makes me think there should be a P2
• Wow….the feed cut out

Segment 5: Match cont., Joseph Park segment, Champions segment

• Well, that sucked…
• Oh great…AJ probably banged someone
• This guy is the worst lawyer ever
• How do you not even look at the footage of the last time Abyss was on TV? Is it because you’d actually have to buy a PPV?
• Wow this feed keeps cutting out, Spike TV is awful

Segment 6: Champions segment cont., Match 3: Madison, Gail, MexiWhores Vs. Velvet, Mickie, TnT

• Why aren’t EYODB out there in the ring, they’re champions???
• Oh good RVD is in the three way tonight
• Didn’t RVD get screwed over BY HULK HOGAN???????? FAILSAUCE.
• The cameraman is desperately searching for a girl as hot as Carly was
• From Wikipedia: “At the end of the event it was revealed that Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff had sent Abyss after Van Dam in order to get the TNA World Heavyweight Championship on their own representative, Jeff Hardy.”
• Massive Logic Fail.
• Open Fight Night, interesting concept…but with an already bloated roster, why the fuck do you bring in new talent?
• So wait, if people get called out, they have to fight, but Hogan decides if its for the title? Huh?
• The TV Title defended every week is awesome, but I just wish it wasn’t on Devon
• Gut Check?? Why did Hogan never say Gut Check?? What is that?
• Anytime the announcers have to say “Look Who’s Back” when they haven’t been injured, its a massive fail for the booking team
• I bet the entrances for the Knockouts get more air time than their match does

Segment 7: Match cont.

• Is it really noteworthy to say TNA is “invading Florida” they fucking live there
• Velvet, I love you but those “knee strikes” look fucking wretched
• I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, as much as I love them Maddy really shouldn’t wear those skin tone spankies
• Nice tiny head scissors by Rosita
• I’d say Eric Young is a more powerful Knockout, Taz
• Madison is the only female wrestler that should scream during a match that isn’t Vickie Guerrero
• Earl waited for Gail to put her feet on the ropes before counting, wow
• There is way too much glitter on Velvet’s cleavage

Segment 8: ODBEY Honeymoon, Match 4: Devon Vs. Gunner

• Friction burns? Awesome.
• “All my best fighting happens in my underwear”
• Still they are the best part of this show
• If there’s anything worse than a Devon match, it’s a Gunner match…ugh
• Devon wins, yay

Segment 9: Storm segment

• Sorry about my damn luck.
• I don’t care if he comes back for Slammiversary, he should have won at Lockdown

Segment 10: Match 5: Anderson Vs RVD Vs Hardy

• This match is a WWE PPV midcard title match in the making
• Did TNA’s Titantron break??
• If on the fight nights, anyone can call out anyone else, what’s the point of the number one contenderships?
• This was a good match, and RVD vs Roode should be fun, but I don’t see RVD winning

TNH8 Scale

Logic: Big Ol’ 0 out of 5 Laganas

Wrestling: 4 out of 5 Laganas

Overall: 4 out of 5 Laganas