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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: The Four Open Fights

May 25, 2012

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Roode segment

STOP OPENING IMPACT WITH ROBERT ROODE
Generally people who have “the longest title reigns” should have lost it at least three times, look at Triple H and Cena
The camera guy really looks for chicks with exposed cleavage don’t they?
Okay, I just checked the numbers, and as accurate as Wikipedia can be, it seems Roode is right
Unless of course you discount that Jeff Jarrett was champion in TNA for almost a whole year
I have a suggestion! How about the X-Division Championship??? We haven’t seen it in three months
So wait, since anyone can beat anyone….and all these people have challenged Roode should get to fight him.
Jeff looks like a retarded Kermit
I don’t see why Roode is so upset, none of these matches involve him
Bully Ray should win this, but he won’t

Segment 2: Match 1: Bully Ray Vs. RVD

Yay, a new redhead in the front! Not nearly as ghhot as Carly though
I wish Hogan would automatically eliminate anyone Roode has already beaten in a single’s title match, that’d make this more interesting
They really shouldn’t call GutCheck the same thing on the road and on Impact, it’s confusing
If that big surprise is Brooke Hogan, that’s going to shit the bed louder than Homicide not getting out of the TERRORDOME
A self 3D? Finally he’s using something that has been in video games since Wrestlemania 2000 on the N64

Segment 3: Bully segment, King Mo segment, Gail and Maddy segment

It’ll be interesting to see how Abyss explains that he came back
I really don’t care about King Mo
So…this is just repeating the interview from that show after Impact? Wow.
Maddy you already look great for me, you don’t have to fix your hair

Segment 4: Match 2: Cluster Battle Royal

Oh wow, the UNBEATEN Crimson is in there, I hope he doesn’t lose
Wow, Crimson already lost, yup he LOST
Ok so Maddy’s real crush is someone in this match, it better not be Devon
Oh no, please don’t tell me it’s Garrrrettttt
You know, for a bouncer, Robbie T can’t really throw anyone out of anything

Segment 5: Battle Royal continued

God out of all the people left in the ring, the only one I want to see win is Aries
See this with AJ and Aries? Why can’t these guys be feuding for the championship?
If TNA wants to copy something from WWE it should be the fact that WWE has two Indy darlings at the top of the game
Give Aries the belt and have him feud with AJ or Joe or Daniels
Ordinarily I’d be okay with AJ winning, but because of this Daniels/Kaz/Dixie bullshit, I don’t care

Segment 6: AJ segment, Joe/Angle segment, Anderson segment

I’m sorry that picture still looks like they’re hugging
And shouldn’t Dixie be saying something about this?
Also hasn’t Flair been touting that he banged Dixie? Is this a rehash of AJ wanting to be Flair?
Why is a tag team feuding with a single guy? Seriously.
Um….they’re getting into an elevator, really?
I still don’t understand the whole point of this
“Remember the headbutt?” Yeah, that was really the only memorable part about this feud
This is the first we’re hearing of the controversial finish, nice to see that

Segment 7: Match 3: Anderson Vs. Hardy

You know how the catchphrase of WWE is “Anything can happen in the WWE” TNA always says “we have great things planned”
Stop telling people you have plans, seriously, just let things happen…we know it’s scripted, stop reminding us of it
Wow, a movie about manscaping? That sounds as entertaining as watching Jeff paint
Someone really should be hitting him while he walks to the ring with his eyes closed
That was a nice counter to the through the ropes dropkick
Taz, I doubt Jeff knows where he is 83% of the time regardless
God if I was changing my timeslot, I’d have it plastered everywhere, not just in faded letters occasionally in the corner of the screen
That was an excellent series of reversals for the finish

Segment 8: Match 4: Hooters Vs. Velvet Vs. Gail

That is a very nice ring jacket for Hooters
See here’s what I don’t get, why don’t Velvet and Hooters just try to pin each other so that Gail loses
If Taz starts calling it a “tight package” during Knockouts matches, I quit
Awesome roll up by Velvet during that Octopuse stretch, very nice
“Gail Kim is a ninja” sign…is that racist?
The two main champions Gail and Roode have both held their belts for too long, I know we like long title reigns…but when you are going through your division more than once, it’s time to drop the strap

Segment 9: Match 5: Angle vs. Joe

Wow an image of Mickie James, where the fuck has she been?
Ok…hopefully this will be a good match
You’d think they mention the altercation that took place earlier, but no…since it was shot afterwards

Segment 10: Match cont.