Mad Mike Reviews TNA: The Ultimatum Starts.

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

THIS IS THE ULTIMATUM: IF JEFF HARDY WINS THE TITLE AT BFG, I WILL STOP REVIEWING TNA UNLESS THE PRODUCT IS SUDDENLY AMAZING.

Segment 1: Recrap, Aries Segment

• The Aces and Assholes thing is going on way too long with no resolution, not even a partial one
• God I hate Jeff Hardy
• Awkward ending to that segment

Segment 2: Match 1: Shiima Vs. Sonjay, Team Appletini segment

• Nice of TNA to wish Lawler a speedy recovery, and now here’s the guy who brags about breaking someone’s neck
• So…two rematches from the PPV so far tonight? Fantastic.
• Holy crap that counter into the Rings of Shiima was awesome
• Wow…awkward finish, but good match, wish it went a bit longer
• That’s stuff’s like gasoline….wow
• Um Hulk, what if both guys lose?

Segment 3: AJ/Angle segment, Roode segment

• I thought Hogan said that Kaz was going to face Chavo or Hernandez? Maybe they should have been more specific when he said “you”
• Wes Brisco…hi Aces and Asshole idiot
• Um….as far as I know you can’t go to jail for interrupting a wrestling match
• I wonder if this was originally supposed to be the World Title match for BFG and they flipped the script at the popularity of Aries

Segment 4: Match 2: Kaz Vs. AJ

• Really short match segments suck…TNA needs to start omitting entrances

Segment 5: Match cont., Hogan segment

• That DDT looked nasty
• This is the longest 10 count ever
• Oh great…there’s one more rematch booked
• So wait…Daniels doesn’t have to fight Chavo or Hernandez…that’s probably racist
• So….the guy who is afraid to fight anyone, is hired to be a bodyguard? Perfect plan Hulkster

Segment 6: Bully/Hardy Segment, Hogan Segment

• Someone needs to clock him with a chair when his eyes are closed…please
• Nothing has put TNA in “high gear”
• The WWE Universe?
• Does Hulk realize that Jeff’s nickname isn’t “The Creatures of the Night?”
• So….Aces and Assholes are really Skrulls?

Segment 7: Not Eddie and Hernandez Segment, Match 3: Daniels Vs. Not Eddie, Gut Check bullshit

• Eddie invented “Lie, Cheat, Steal” assbag
• These entrances take entirely too long in TNA
• Taz doesn’t know what idioms mean
• Besides Sting being inducted what the hell else is on the BFG Pre-show?
• Referee Stifler?
• Wow…the thing Hogan didn’t mention happened…this is shocking
• This guy has no look to him…of course he’s gonna win, where the fuck is Joey Ryan?

Segment 8: Storm Segment, Tara Segment

• TNA needs to figure out what they’re going to do with the TV Title
• MAKE OUT!!!
• I wish I could get the Champion Ship Belt
• Um…..yay for Hooters….what the hell is this?
• Oh joy….heel Tara, who the hell cares?

Segment 9: Dixie Segment, Match 4: Bully Vs. Hardy

• Hogan…didn’t you kinda lead something like this called the nWo
• D’Lo!!!!!!!!!!!!
• If D’Lo is in charge of Aces and Asshole that would lift the ultimatum.
• What the fuck is with that stupid BONG sound?
• Shouldn’t Joesph Park…the guy investigating Aces and Assholes be in there too?
• Again, half the match is missed because of long ass entrances

Segment 10: Match cont.

• So Jeff’s shoulder is completely healed after only a couple days…interesting
• Of course as soon as I type that Bully starts to work on the shoulder
• Oh man, this is the exact same finish from the PPV…what garbage
• Yawn…one week in and TNA is still ON NOTICE.

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 out of 5 Laganas

Wrestling: 3 out of 5 Laganas

Overall: 6 out of 10 Laganas