Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Turkey Not Allowed

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Angle segment

• Wow, an elimination tag match…eh they always do it
• Thank God Storm isn’t wearing that Spike TV hat again
• Too much cursing in this opening segment on a Thanksgiving show
• Um….did Daniels just join Immortal??
• Did he just steal some little girl’s stuffed teddy bear?
• This would make a lot more sense if they had said these were the guys in the tag match before any of them came out

Segment 2: Eric Young segment, tag team recrap, Match 1: Racism America Vs. Red/Blue

• Oh no, the turkey suit is back
• TNA can’t even line up the announcers name on the graphic
• TNA really shouldn’t beat us over the head with how bad their tag division is
• TNA is coming to my hometown and I’m missing it
• Wow….squash match on MeX-Pac, there goes the tag division
• Rudy Charles using the turkey head as a puppet is great
• EY isn’t holding the old championship anymore, this saddens me

Segment 3: Karen segment

• I’m gonna point this out every week….WHY IS KAREN STILL IN CHARGE OF THIS DIVISION??
• Who is sending text messages to Karen’s office? How did they get this number? And how do they send texts to a landline?
• A Lingerie Bowl…soon to a be a tradition, guarantee they forget about this next year
• Why is Madison taking being insulted like this?
• I really wish someone brings up what Karen did for a living before doing a bad Vickie Guerrero impression
• I’m expecting labia count to be extremely high this week

Segment 4: Knockouts segment

• Tara says they aren’t here to be naked, talk to the cameramen
• Brooke Tessmacher is really not the person to talk about being slutty
• Tara was wearing a Hooters fleece while complaining about wardrobe, just saying
• Thanksgiving Thong Thunder….that’s the actual name they’ve called this
• Wow Madison looks good in her bra
• Labia count: 1

Segment 5: Match 2: Thanksgiving Thong Thunder….yup

• Angelina needs a sammich
• Maddy is dressed more conservatively for this match than she was for the backstage segment
• N0ne of these girls are wearing thongs, MISNOMER
• Labia count: 2
• Labia count: 3
• Labia count: 4
• Taz actually said Earl has rigormortis for this match
• Commercial break…wow

Segment 6: Labia Throwdown continues

• I’m assuming Brooke’s ass smells like Hooters wing sauce which is why its so repulsive
• Labia count: 5
• Winter and Brooke are two of the sloppiest workers I’ve ever seen
• Labia count: 6
• Labia count: 7
• Brooke totally forgot the finish
• Labia count: 8
• Labia count: 9 (replay)
• The match was ok, but Brooke and Winter should never work together again

Segment 7: Lingerie segment with Karen. Jeff segment

• Karen makes a good point by saying some Knockouts wore more during the lingerie fight than they normally have in their ring gear
• Karen is picking the ring attire next week…labia count will either skyrocket or plummet
• This is so blatantly Jeff Jarrett…
• The Charismatic Enema?
• These idiotic announcers are shocked when Daniels is out now, but not when he was out earlier?
• Another fucking pull-apart brawl….stop this TNA

Segment 8:Turkey recrap, Match 3: Robbie VS EY

• The title no one wants…that’s not clarifying much in TNA
• So Robbie was going to try and get out of this match that Sting didn’t even make
• Ew…. Robbie is stealing Ryder’s colors now, Are You Serious Bro?
• Rudy Charles: Referee and Turkey Man…this is an actual graphic
• Robbie is working the turkey costume…
• This is embarrassing
• Rudy Charles is no Scott Stamford
• Jesus that was a scary piledriver
• Rob Terry looks stupid in that outfit, and not in the good way

Segment 9: EY segment, Match 4: Eight Man Tag

• Rudy Charles isn’t funny
• Dozed off a little during this match, so you know how much its kept my interest
• Roode got himself Qed…awesome

Segment 10: Match cont.

• This match really means nothing…
• So Kurt and Karen are just out here for moral support….on the same team, in the same corner….Kurt….and Karen….
• Wait…Storm isn’t wrestling either? Why is this Team Angle Vs Team Storm then???
• Jeff comes out zipping up his jeans and buckling his belt…what do those TNA trainers do?
• Wow Christy Hemme is the worst announcer ever “Your winner: AJ Styles!!” When the winners were Team Storm, the survivors of Jeff Hardy and Styles

TNHate Scale for this week:

Logic: 1.5 Russos out of 5

Wrestling: 2.5 Russos out of 5

Overall 4 Russos out of 10