Mad Mike Reviews TNA, Wait…There’s a Pay Per View Sunday?

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Intro and Anderson segment

• Jeff Hardy returns tonight…live from prison, not really…but that’d be a lot better TV
• So now he’s imitating Fat Bastard?
• So…this feud with Bully Ray is going on still, yet Anderson is getting a title shot? Please don’t tell me Anderson Vs Bully isn’t gonna be the BFG main event, PLEASE??
• If Anderson says “rematch” in one more fucking promo I’m going to burn down the city of Greeeeen Baaaaaaay Wisconsiiiiiiiin
• It’s really a great idea to trust the crazy guy that is imitating The Joker, isn’t that right every villain in Gotham?
• I hate how “enforcer” means “legal run in”

Segment 2: Match 1: British Invasion Vs. D-Von and Pope

• Oh fuck, MeX-Pac is on commentary this week
• Weren’t British Invasion faces like 3 weeks ago?
• For two guys who were “taken out” by Joe, D-Von and Pope look pretty healthy…I think D-Von still had enough points to be in the BFG Series finals
• MeX-Pac needs to stop being a bad Chavo ripoff, I wish they would just hire Chavo
• I cannot believe this Sting Vs. Flair match is on free TV….that is just completely ridiculous
• This may be a subtle thing, but WWE’s tag matches always keep the face tag teams on the hard camera side, sometimes I forget D-Von is even over there
• Is this the first show D-Von couldn’t get his kids ringside seats for?

Segment 3: BFG Finals hype and in-ring promo

• Considering its increasingly likely that Angle will be champion, I don’t think either Storm or Roode are ready for a big title match…as much as I like Roode
• Shouldn’t this just be a tag team match, since you know its Fortune Vs. Immortal?
• I’m pretty sure Shawn Michaels once asked “how good could I be on my own?”
• This whole speech of Bully Ray would make sense if Storm and Roode were fighting each other at the PPV….but they aren’t
• Seriously out of all the possible combinations they could have, Bully Vs. Anderson and Roode Vs. Kurt are the only ones that make sense
• Putting Sting in this championship match at No Surrender makes no sense since you already possibly have a match slated for him at Bound For Glory, if he won the belt, would Sting wrestle twice?

Segment 4: Eric Young Vs. Robbie E

• MMA Fighter number A is on commentary….no one cares
• Umm is Eric wearing a pair of Robbie’s tights?
• Jesus that was a quick match
• Wow quick commercial jump…TNA really needs to cut better

Segment 5: RVD and Lynn; Velvet segment

• Is Jerry Lynn even signed to TNA?
• Guess not.
• Oh man are they turning Velvet heel again?
• Karen telling Velvet to lose some of her ass? OH HELL NAW! I’M TAKING OFF MAI RANGS!!

Segment 6: Match 3: Anderson Vs. Angle

• I just realized TNA books Impacts further in advance than they do PPVs…that’s a problem on so many levels
• Ok…that was actually a three count after the Kenton Bomb
• Oh wow, another clusterfuck finish…who’d have thunk it? Say what you will but the last couple of World title matches on WWE TV have been clean finishes

Segment 7: Immortal segment; Match 4: Winter/Angelina Vs Mickie/Velvet

• Karen dancing on a table in front of a room full of men, that’s the most comfortable she’s ever looked on TNA TV
• I also envy the second rope
• Wow they really just redid the finish from their first title match?

Segment 8: Austin Aries segment; Hogan segment

• Austin Aries better win this damn championship
• Did Kendrick just steal Alex Riley’s gimmick?
• In that suit Kendrick really does look like Drew McIntyre
• I wonder if the voices in Kendrick’s head and Orton’s head ever talk to each other
• So the face sucker punches the heel…again? This is backwards
• I think Hogan is really Mumm-Ra
• 3 Days before the PPV a main event is finally announced

Segment 9: PPV Rundown; Match 5: Fatal Four Way (for what reason?) Storm Vs Roode Vs Bully Vs Gunner

• Half of these matches at least were just made tonight, this company is fucked
• What exactly was Joe gonna do? take all four guys out? I still don’t think he would have been in the top 4, especially since D-Von and Pope are already back
• So this is essentially treated like a tornado tag anyway…
• Ha! Nice to see Gunner screw over Bully

Segment 10: Jeff Hardy

• I will say this Jeff does look partially sober
• Nice to see he got a new t-shirt, ugh
• Rock Bottom will probably be sitting that jail cell when you are supposed to be doing a run-in on a PPV
• As penance, Jeff Hardy should have to do X-Divison jobs for a year
• Wow, that was it…great go home for the PPV