Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Wedding of the Millenium

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Eric segment

• I think this new “We don’t care” chant encompasses every in-ring TNA segment
• “The most devastating talent this history has ever seen.” Yup…that’s a thing
• Eric’s speech paraphrased: “I found the four heels we couldn’t fit on the rest of Lockdown that weren’t Robbie T or women”
• Nice that they repeatedly pan to the dude in the Big Show shirt
• I always agree with everything Bully Ray says
• Did they just bleep “punk kid?”
• Garretttt’s speech paraphrased: “I found the guys feuding with your team and a random stoner I found trying to snort Butterbeer”

Segment 2: Match 1: Anderson Vs. Gunner

• Anderson is looking a bit pudgy
• Wow, what an awful finish
• At least they’ve finally stopped referring to Gunner as Immortal’s Gunner

Segment 3: Eric in his tux, MCMG segment

• I’ve finally realized who Joseph Park reminds me of: the fat bully from Boy Meets World who had Vader as his dad, Frankie
• As Sabin said “Tell ’em Alex” I said “WELL….” out loud and Shelley sai”d Road Warrior reference, nice” we’re both awesome
• Curry Man and Shark Boy reference FTW!!!
• This match has the potential to steal the show, so naturally it’ll be first on the PPV
• Scratch that, there’s a TV Title match isn’t there?
• Jesus, can we please kick MeX-Pac off TV? And tell him to stop ruining Armando Estrada’s gimmick
• Poor fucking Hernandez
• I wonder how many Impacts in a year don’t have an advertised main even until half way through the show per year, I’d say it’s at least over 35

Segment 4: Match 2: Daniels Vs. Aries

• Win.
• I’m starting to think that brunette in the front row might be Carly with an awful decision in hair styles
• This match is awesome
• So Aries and Kaz are probably going to do the stupid top of the cage spot no?
• That was terrific, not a thing wrong with that match…why can’t this company do this more often?

Segment 5: Hardy segment, Eric segment

• I’m not sure if anything seems more indyriffic than a cage building segment
• So are Sarita and Rosita the new Bella skanks?
• Oh shit, there’s a $5 cover for the wedding AND a 50/50 raffle?? Someone tell Doc Remedy and Mayhem Missie about these ideas

Segment 6: Wedding of the Century, where nothing can possibly go wrong

• EY’s TNAtron is awesome
• I’m wearing EY’s tux to my next formal function
• EY looks like a homeless Elvis Costello
• I appreciate that ODB isn’t coming out to her music
• Never mind…
• Is it weird that ODB looks kinda hot?
• Cornelius…
• Technically I don’t think you can act as witnesses for your own wedding, but I’m arguing semantics here
• I really hope this becomes their new TNAtron as a team
• I think ODB is what happens when Becky “The Icebox” O’Shea grew up
• I’d love to know if EY is just shooting from the hip and trying to make her crack up
• “lifes”
• “Buffet of BAM” worst sexual innuendo ever
• Rosita has an outie….that’s weird
• Again, they wear less in the ring…I don’t get this
• Holy tits.
• Al Wilson is rolling in his grave right now, and Dawn Marie is crying gimmick infringement
• Didn’t Lagana write that segment? Just sayin’
• “That’s so sexy” chant is amazing
• Wow what an awful cutaway from such a great segment, way to ruin this TNA

Segment 7: Roode segment, Match 3: AJ Vs. Bully

• Ew, there’s a redneck dude who took his shirt off in the Impact crowd
• I never understood the “man advantage” thing if you can’t win until everyone is in there anyway
• Good the heels won, as they should
• “Figured it out” it wasn’t that difficult there, brother
• Three minutes? Rosey is joining the team?

Segment 8: Three minutes segment, Roode/Storm package

• Ha, the crowd has a better idea than the booking team
• RVD needs weed money
• Jesus that beer bottle thing was only four months ago? It feels like ten years
• Unbleeped “bullshit” is probably why they bleeped “punk kid”

Segment 9: Lockdown card breakdown, Match 4: Velvet and Mickie Vs Maddy and Gail

• The reason this Impact is so good is because Morgan and Crimson haven’t been on
• Taz is getting so pissed
• So we let the pigeons loose, by putting them in a cage? I’m confused

Segment 10: Lockdown Showdown

• This better be a feud ender, because I’m honestly tired of this
• Wow Roode, don’t brag about beating Gunner
• Man I really wish this was more interesting…
• Where Storm comes from family still means something…dating partners
• In a team called Beer Money, Storm is really surprised that Roode did something for the money?
• Man that was uneventful

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 4.5 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 5 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 9.5 Laganas out of 10

Awesome go-home show, if I wasn’t working I might even buy the PPV.