Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Yeeeeeaaaahhh……Hogan Just Resigned

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Apologies in advance, I’m drunk and angry the Yankees lost…so this may be a brutal review of TNA

Segment 1: Roode promo

• TNA is in Knoxville, not a black man is seen in the crowd
• I really don’t want to see children cheering when Storm asks if there are beer drinkers in this place
• Storm is so gonna turn on Roode at Bound For Glory Please say no

Segment 2: Hogan flashback, Match 1: Gunner Vs. Kaz

• We’re gonna see Hogan memories in TNA tonight, this will not subside my rage
• This arena looks a lot emptier than outside arenas normally look
• Wow TNA only showed two twitter responses forpeople’s favorite Hulk Hogan moments, and one was him beating Iron Sheik
• Wow, that was such a shitty match, Gunner wins with a non-finish and supposedly working on an injury Kaz had years ago….
• Stop saying Immortal’s Gunner, there’s no other Gunner to confuse him with

Segment 3: Anderson promo

• Anderson is apologizing for a heel turn almost 6 months ago…..wow really?
• Wasn’t he in Immortal for only like a week and a half? Is this really the entire story?
• I’m now blaming the Yankees losing on Bully Ray
• Falls Count Anywhere And I Mean Freakin Anywhere match……odds are 3:1 it ends in the ring

Segment 4: Bischoff segment, Kendrick segment, Mickie and Velvet come to the ring

• Wow, can I have my 5 minutes back for those two interview segments

Segment 5: Match 2: Mickie and Velvet Vs. Winter and Maddy

• Mickie with the Y Angle lens
• I want some roast beef now
• Velvet redefines “hot tag”
• Wow, Madison needs to wear underwear that don’t so closely resemble her skin tone, I think I just gained an amateur gynecology license watching that pin

Segment 6: Abyss teaming with Hogan, Angle/Bischoff segment

• Both these moments have just been Hogan entering the ring
• Remember when they fought for the WWE Hall of Fame ring? Good times(?)
• Bischoff wanting to get rid of Jeff is the first smart thing they’ve ever said on this show, but not for the right reasons
• Hardy will be TNA champ by January and that sickens me
• Oh great Hardy decked Bischoff
• FYI I legit fell asleep during this segment so I had to rewind, this is how much I love you Mayhem Universe

Segment 7: Jeff segment,Hogan moment, Match 3: Joekozuna Vs. Crimson

• Jeff said if he had to leave TNA it’d be on his terms, I’d say that’s up to the courts to decide
• Wow, that fake court drama is really a highlight?
• Yeah….shouldn’t this be a ppv match?
• Crimson has the worst undefeated streak in wrestling history
• More Twitter moments from Hogan fans, one from WCW and one from WWE, nicely vetted TNA
• Jesus this “injury” angle is fucking awful
• Wow a horrible roll up, seriously worst “undefeated” streak ever
• A roll up is the “We’ll Insure Anybody” Impact of the Night

Segment 8: Storm segment, Roode package, Match 4: Roode Vs. Storm

• Why is Storm pretending to be angry now?
• So they’re trying to build up Roode like “Rocky” aren’t they?
• Roode’s dad has a powerful stache
• Hey Taz, Storm and Roode used to fight all the time when they were members of AMW and Team Canada

Segment 9: Storm Vs Roode cont

• Wow with no build at all AJ vs. Daniels is now an I Quit match
• If you didn’t listen to commentary, you’d never know it
• Can it be called the Double R spinebuster if he’s called Bobby Roode again?
• So Angle’s interference meant nothing?
• Are they gonna play that Storm “couldn’t pull the trigger” on the superkick?

Segment 10: Hogan’s “retirement”

• I hate fake retirements
• Wow, security footage…Jesus
• Hulk said he’ll fight Sting and if Sting wins, Dixie gets the company back……so I guess that’s legally binding??
• Ugh, this was an awful show