Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Is It Someone’s Birthday?

Okay so I’m watching this episode after Raw…and the #pipebombshell AJ dropped, so this should be hilarious.

Segment 1

• Hey Eva…..John is kinda seeing someone, also aren’t you kinda engaged?
• Roman Reigns should have speared both of them
• Birthday mentions: 1
• I’m pretty sure that it’s a creepy Canadian thing that Tyson’s mom wants to sleep with Nattie
• Cameron….shut the fuck up, unless you are paying for Naomi’s new shit, shut the fuck up
• Cameron had to really rehearse that “Girl bye!” for a long time
• Birthday mentions: 2
• Birthday mentions: 3
• Birthday mentions: 4
• If Nattie taught the Bellas how to wrestle and the Bellas taught Nattie how to be a Diva, it’s no wonder they all suck
• Birthday mentions: 5 and 6
• NOT THE CROSSFACE TYSON!! NOT THE CROSSFACE!!!!
• Birthday mentions: 7
• Birthday mentions: 8

Segment 2

• Cameron…stop saying fucking “work” when you don’t even know HOW TO FUCKING WORK
• God damn Nikki…..how do you confuse Stalin for Churchill?
• Cena knows Chinese? That’s a new wrinkle for his gimmick
• Birthday mentions: 9
• Tyson’s mom looks really strung out
• 12 years is rushing a wedding? I’m gonna present that opinion to my girlfriend and see what she thinks.
• P.S. I’ll probably single soon if I do that…..ladies
• Naomi is fucking athletic as shit
• “It’s not about the moves” sums up why people hate the divas division

Segment 3

• Birthday mentions: 10
• There are too many people who have J’s in their name on the show: JoJo, John, Jaret, TJ, etc.
• HOW DO YOU NOT GO VISIT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S GRAVE IN SIX YEARS???
• So we should be blaming your grandfather for the woman you are today Nikki?
• CURSE YOU POP POP!!
• Birthday mentions: 11 and 12
• For being together 12 years, it sure seems like Tyson and Nattie have an awful relationship
• Birthday mentions: 13 and 14
• Odd shout out to Nancy Grace…
• Birthday mentions: 15
• Cameron…..stop saying fucking anything, you say “boo boo face” I wanna punch you in the neck
• JoJo’s line for this episode: Aw, yay.
• Cameron has to be like a 13 year old child right?
• Seriously…JoJo is the only likable person on this show besides Cena and Bryan, and that’s because she doesn’t talk

Segment 4

• Birthday mentions: 16 and 17
• P.S. Jaret looks like Tyson with the mumps
• Jaret hitting on an engaged woman adds to the list of horrible people
• Hee. He said “do do”
• The Bellas should be booked from Brawley, California….just sayin
• Their brother’s name is JJ? Oh come the fuck on J is not that popular of a letter!
• Look at that fedora…..wow

Segment 5

• FAKE ACTING.
• FAAAAAAAKE AAAAAAAAAAAACTIIIIIIIING
• The Bellas’ dad’s lisp is hilarious
• Turning down a match on Raw because you had a little tiff is always a great idea
• Yelling at each other in front of your bosses is always a good idea
• Stephanie is “top lady” I’m sure she loves being called that
• Stephanie must hate this shit
• I’d rather see a reality show about Sandra, the seamstress lady
• Brie seems like a good person, especially when she says to not say “Team BooBoos”
• Naomi is clearly the better wrestler of the two Funkadactyls, and Nattie is being a horrible person…but at least she didn’t say it was her birthday
• TAG TEAM WRESTLING IS REAL FRIENDSHIPS YALL
• Next week: THE JOJO STORYLINE AND FALLING FUCKING BELLAS!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES